So, when I met this friend~who I shall refer to here as "Sylvester" (mainly because I can)~she had an entire posse of friends; certainly, to the casual observer at least, she had no need of me, and I did not, I hate to admit, take much notice initially. And yet, here we are: Rarely does a day pass when we don't speak, or connect in some way, and it is nearly impossible for me to remember life before...before Sylvester. And I don't want to. (BS...HA!)
Which makes me all "thinky" about friendship, and so for fun, I zipped on over to Dictionary.com and searched "friend," with these results:
friend
[frend] noun
1.
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
And certainly, we don't want to forget these words found at Proverbs 17:17~one of my favorites~
"A true friend shows love at all times, and is a brother who is born for times of distress."
Which confirms a few thoughts regarding friendship which I've had lately.
This Sylvester character...Syl has called me her "bestie" virtually since the first day we met. I have to admit that I found this annoying, and now I think that I can finally understand why: I feel like the word "bestie" is one of a million cheap, overused and generally meaningless (Sylvester knows that I think this...it's ok) terms which people throw around each other like verbal confetti: Words that mean nothing and basically just clog up the vacuum..."BFF," "Bestie..." often times the very word "friend," itself.
For example, I know a woman who~like so many others, myself included~is on Facebook. According to her stats, she has OVER 3500 FRIENDS.
Except that, no, she doesn't.
I don't mean that to be rude, but seriously! If we adhere even loosely to the primary definitions of "friend" which I found and cited above, this woman does NOT have over 3500 friends. She has many acquaintances, and most certainly some friends of friends of friends...but I have to wonder how many of those she would even recognize on the street, let alone watch paint dry with. It's a ridiculous notion...NO ONE has 3500 friends...who would want to??
This is a phenomenon which actually concerns me greatly...the very notion of friendship has been diluted to the point that it is hardly recognizable, anymore. We throw the word around so casually: "I have this friend who does my hair..." Do you, or is she just a nice girl who you see and give money to every six weeks or so when your hair gets out of control? What is her middle name? Where was her last job? What is her real hair color??? These are details that most friends know about one another. And how often do you hear this exchange between near-strangers: "Friend me!"
Friendship, when given freely from a full and open heart, can be a beautiful and sustaining anchor to the person who receives it. The idea of reducing that value to a series of requests on social media, or to a catchy acronym, is just...sad, really. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate the connections that I have made on Facebook (the only social media which I have been able to figure out how to navigate); it's the idea of being collected that I have an issue with.
That woman with the 3500? About once every quarter she tries to make it 3501...but I have yet to accept her request to be a "friend," and I won't be accepting anytime soon, by the way; she's a nice enough person, but she doesn't want me. I think that she just remembers that I'm alive, sometimes, and tries to add me to her ever-burgeoning list of peeps. Which is nice and all, but...
Because of my aversion to being just another notch on someone's friends list~and my own tendency to not want a lot of random people who I don't know just hangin' around looking at me and my stuff~I can honestly say that I am incredible grateful for and proud of my little band of BESTIES, because despite appearances to the contrary, I am weirdly shy. It's actually somewhat painful and often mid-level terrifying for me to introduce myself to new people, and sometimes I find it difficult even to talk to people who I know.
This, then, is one of my own truths: I'm actually ok in a small crowd if I'm busy; it distracts me from my anxiety and panic; however, I can rarely sit and do nothing...I am a horrifically awkward "small-talk maker." In a large crowd, I feel like I fade into the scenery and can safely pass un-noticed (if I'm not with Sylvester, who is a crazy peep-magnet), so I'm good there, too.
In fact, I consider myself blessed~very blessed~in the Friends Department. For a weirdly shy, nerdy girl, I've managed to accrue quite a lovely group of people who are INSANELY qualified at being terrific. Sylvester and all of the others are part of my universe because, however we may have found each other, when we did, thankfully we saw something that said "CLICK!" and we paid attention.
There is something about being a part of a true friendship that is honestly one of the most rewarding things that can happen to a person, and that has nothing to do with lists of names.
As far as I am concerned, quality wins over quantity every time. I may not have masses knocking down my door, but I do have my sisters and SP on speed dial, and Sylvester is never far from the counter.
EVERYBODY WINS IN A FRIENDSHIP DONE RIGHT.
"A true friend shows love at all times, and is a brother who is born for times of distress."
Which confirms a few thoughts regarding friendship which I've had lately.
This Sylvester character...Syl has called me her "bestie" virtually since the first day we met. I have to admit that I found this annoying, and now I think that I can finally understand why: I feel like the word "bestie" is one of a million cheap, overused and generally meaningless (Sylvester knows that I think this...it's ok) terms which people throw around each other like verbal confetti: Words that mean nothing and basically just clog up the vacuum..."BFF," "Bestie..." often times the very word "friend," itself.
For example, I know a woman who~like so many others, myself included~is on Facebook. According to her stats, she has OVER 3500 FRIENDS.
Except that, no, she doesn't.
I don't mean that to be rude, but seriously! If we adhere even loosely to the primary definitions of "friend" which I found and cited above, this woman does NOT have over 3500 friends. She has many acquaintances, and most certainly some friends of friends of friends...but I have to wonder how many of those she would even recognize on the street, let alone watch paint dry with. It's a ridiculous notion...NO ONE has 3500 friends...who would want to??
This is a phenomenon which actually concerns me greatly...the very notion of friendship has been diluted to the point that it is hardly recognizable, anymore. We throw the word around so casually: "I have this friend who does my hair..." Do you, or is she just a nice girl who you see and give money to every six weeks or so when your hair gets out of control? What is her middle name? Where was her last job? What is her real hair color??? These are details that most friends know about one another. And how often do you hear this exchange between near-strangers: "Friend me!"
Friendship, when given freely from a full and open heart, can be a beautiful and sustaining anchor to the person who receives it. The idea of reducing that value to a series of requests on social media, or to a catchy acronym, is just...sad, really. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate the connections that I have made on Facebook (the only social media which I have been able to figure out how to navigate); it's the idea of being collected that I have an issue with.
That woman with the 3500? About once every quarter she tries to make it 3501...but I have yet to accept her request to be a "friend," and I won't be accepting anytime soon, by the way; she's a nice enough person, but she doesn't want me. I think that she just remembers that I'm alive, sometimes, and tries to add me to her ever-burgeoning list of peeps. Which is nice and all, but...
Because of my aversion to being just another notch on someone's friends list~and my own tendency to not want a lot of random people who I don't know just hangin' around looking at me and my stuff~I can honestly say that I am incredible grateful for and proud of my little band of BESTIES, because despite appearances to the contrary, I am weirdly shy. It's actually somewhat painful and often mid-level terrifying for me to introduce myself to new people, and sometimes I find it difficult even to talk to people who I know.
This, then, is one of my own truths: I'm actually ok in a small crowd if I'm busy; it distracts me from my anxiety and panic; however, I can rarely sit and do nothing...I am a horrifically awkward "small-talk maker." In a large crowd, I feel like I fade into the scenery and can safely pass un-noticed (if I'm not with Sylvester, who is a crazy peep-magnet), so I'm good there, too.
In fact, I consider myself blessed~very blessed~in the Friends Department. For a weirdly shy, nerdy girl, I've managed to accrue quite a lovely group of people who are INSANELY qualified at being terrific. Sylvester and all of the others are part of my universe because, however we may have found each other, when we did, thankfully we saw something that said "CLICK!" and we paid attention.
There is something about being a part of a true friendship that is honestly one of the most rewarding things that can happen to a person, and that has nothing to do with lists of names.
As far as I am concerned, quality wins over quantity every time. I may not have masses knocking down my door, but I do have my sisters and SP on speed dial, and Sylvester is never far from the counter.
EVERYBODY WINS IN A FRIENDSHIP DONE RIGHT.
