There is, I am proud to say, a new rule in my house: "You're 18 now, I am no longer required to carry your stuff in my purse or on my person." I feel so wicked...wicked GOOD! For the most part, this growing up and letting go stuff is a real challenge for me, but wow...I never dreamed that I would one day be able to declare my freedom from being a maternal pack-horse. However it must be said~inasmuch as I have some new freedoms, now, as the mother of an "adult," I still have a lot of the same duties as before.
The "my-purse-is-my-own" thing is new; telling her to remember her purse is not. Also new is the fact that she can schedule and keep her own appointments, without my consent, even though she still likes me to go with, once in awhile, just to be sure that she asks all the stuff she might otherwise forget. I can now go to bed at night (not easily, but still...) even when she works "till close;" she still (mostly) comes in and kisses me goodnight when she gets home.
This becoming an adult stuff is structured somewhat like a business: You marry~you decide to take on a partner, to merge your individual lives~and your "business," the business of YOU, which was once a sole proprietorship, will now be a partnership. You will experience structural changes. You must agree on management styles, decide how you both want this new business, the business of US, to run. Eventually, you may have kids~think of them as investors: They don't really buy their way in, but they are certainly "invested" in this business~which is now incorporated~moving forward and continuing to thrive. As your family grows, and the needs change, you discuss options~you have many board meetings; you discuss how and when to diversify. You consider re-directing some responsibilities. There are promotions, and occasionally, some temporary demotions. There is a need for order, direction, and accountability. Company loyalty is rewarded. The benefits are outstanding. No one is ever forced to retire, even if they bring home a pet without asking for permission.
Turning 18 with our daughter, and seeing the excitement, curiosity, and fear in her eyes has been a learning experience for me. I couldn't figure out why this number, this "18" and this word "adult" seem to be so upsetting to her. Then it hit me: At a certain age (in our family), the children become [limited] partners in their lives; thier responsibilities and freedoms typically increase with seniority. They become more than "the baby," "the toddler," "the kindergartner," "the teenager."
They are suddenly dressing themselves without assistance. They know without asking where the scotch tape is. They begin to decide that they would rather not take trumpet in band. They really do hate beans, but are there any more carrots, please? The day arrives when you hand the phone to them, and THEY tell the nurse what symptoms they have. One day you ask, "Did you...?," only to find that they did! Without being asked!!!
You realize, with some wonder, that the business is changing again...instead of the sort of "assembly line production" method, where everyone in the family does a few jobs to keep the whole thing running, suddenly, a "unit production" system is being tried out...certain members are not only putting away their laundry..they're washing, drying, and folding it as well! They truly are "partnering up" with you, pulling a little more weight, taking care of their own departments more independently. Looking for some additional responsibilities and wanting to be "promoted" to more freedoms.
And there it is: The unidentified fear I see. Suddenly, 18 is so much more than just a number; it represents more than freedoms longed for. It is the world's way of saying, "Welcome to adulthood: You are now legal. Your decisions are yours. Make a mistake, and it is all you, my friend; we don't call mom and dad. Owe a debt, it's your checking account, your credit. Get to work late, eat too much, drink too much, whatever...THIS IS YOUR LIFE!!! You may not go back the way you came; you have been awarded permanent status. Hope you were paying attention to the training sessions. Did you think to take notes?"
There is a bit of good news though. Way back when, during one of the earliest board meetings, several important decisions regarding limited partners were made:
1) No one can avoid being transferred to the "18th floor," as it were. It is mandatory. Everyone will, however, have 17 floors to practice on.
2) No individual, once transfer to the 18th floor has been completed, will be expected to resign from "US" and take on the universe alone.
3) While a certain amount of independence is expected, all individuals are encouraged to proceed to higher floors and greater privilege at a reasonable pace, from the home office, if they wish.
4) All those in "upper management" appreciate being given the opportunity to work with "18th floor rookies" in an expanding partnership role; offering sound advice and insights whenever requested, and strong shoulders when needed.
5) Our goal is to get you successfully to the "19th floor" and beyond, so that one day, when you're ready, you can run your own sole proprietorship, the business of YOU in a way which will make you happy and proud.
6) We are in no rush to see you do all of this on your own. Take a moment, look around. Breathe. Remember, in this business, the business of US, you are not expendable, or replaceable. No one is ever forced to retire, or made to leave before they are ready. You are all we've worked for. In you we merge and diversify, and ultimately, we soar...together. And sometimes, for old times sake, I will gladly, gratefully, put something of yours in my purse.
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